Funny Math Jokes
A Priest, Rabbi and a Mathematician were waiting patiently on stage to be decapitated.
The priest put his head in the slot and the executioner pulled the lever; the guillotine blade came speeding down the track and stopped just a few inches above the priest neck. The priest proclaimed that God had intervened and saved him from execution; the executioner had to agree and let him go.
The mathematician had a disbelieving, puzzled, look on his face.
Next the Rabbi put his head in the slot, the executioner pulled the lever and the blade came speeding down the track and stopped a few inches above the Rabbi’s neck. The executioner agreed that God had intervened again and saved the Rabbi also.
The Mathematician, more troubled than ever, put his head in the slot and turned to look upward and he noticed something that made him smile.
Before the executioner could pull the lever, the mathematician said “Hold on there a minute, I see what the problem is! The track has a small pebble blocking the path of the blade”. He removed the pebble and announced, “There, it should work just fine now!”
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1. They speak only the Greek language.
2. They usually have long threatening names such as Bonferonni, Tchebycheff, Schatzoff, Hotelling, and Godambe. Where are the statisticians with names such as Smith, Brown, or Johnson?
3. They are fond of all snakes and typically own as a pet a large South American snake called an ANOCOVA.
4. For perverse reasons, rather than view a matrix right side up they prefer to invert it.
5. Rather than moonlighting by holding Amway parties they earn a few extra bucks by holding pocket-protector parties.
6. They are frequently seen in their back yards on clear nights gazing through powerful amateur telescopes looking for distant star constellations called ANOVA’s.
7. They are 99% confident that sleep can not be induced in an introductory statistics class by lecturing on z-scores.
8. Their idea of a scenic and exotic trip is traveling three standard deviations above the mean in a normal distribution.
9. They manifest many psychological disorders because as young statisticians many of their statistical hypotheses were rejected.
10. They express a deap-seated fear that society will someday construct tests that will enable everyone to make the same score. Without variation or individual differences the field of statistics has no real function and a statistician becomes a penniless ward of the state.
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Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out “We got him!”
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.
Q. Did you hear the one about the statistician?
A. Probably….
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What is ??
Mathematician: “? is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.”
Engineer: “? is about 22/7.”
Physicist: “? is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005.”
Computer Programmer: “? is 3.141592653589 in double precision.”
Nutritionist: “You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”
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A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. “No problem,” says the mathematician, “there is a simple equation for that,” and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, “What is that symbol?” “That is the Greek letter pi.” “What is pi?” “That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle.” Upon this the shoeseller cries out: “What does a circle have to do with shoes?!”
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